It’s A Raft, But Only In Great Britain

We have an inflatable bed that we use for houseguests. This bed has a built-in electric air pump that is used to self-inflate the mattress. Setting it up this week, I noticed something interesting about the warning on the side:

As you can see, the warning for the United States clearly indicates that the bed is not for use in water, but no such warning is given for Great Britain. Why the difference? I can think of a few reasons:

• Water in Great Britain is different from water in the United States (infused with faerie magic, perhaps) and this permits the bed to be used as a raft there
• People in Great Britain aren’t as fat as Americans so the bed is more likely to support them when used as a raft
• The manufacturer doesn’t care if the British drown or electrocute themselves
• The British are smart enough to realize that an inflatable bed is not a pool toy
• People in Great Britain can read English and will get the information from the U.S. warning anyway

And the last, most likely, reason:

• Nobody in Great Britain has yet successfully sued the manufacturer for failing to explicitly state that, hey, you might not want to take this bed that has an internal electric motor and power cord and use it in your swimming pool

As Steve Dallas says: “God bless America, land of the lawsuit!”

The “Good Old Days”

Remember when we didn’t have things like

• Vaccines
• Visible minorities
• The Internet
• Cable television
• Air Travel
• Antibiotics
• Civil Rights
• Feminism
• Labor laws
• Environmental protection

Well now you can relive those glorious days with Reminisce Magazine!

Yes, this magazine actually does have a web site, although it would seem more appropriate for it to communicate via telegram.

“Reminisce” accepts submissions of true stories from the 30s through the 60s.  If I’m reading their submission guidelines correctly, they don’t pay anything, but if you send them something really good they might send you back a ‘57 Chevy model bank that you can use to store coins that you find in your plastic-covered naugahyde-upholstered couch.  (Of course, many times I’ve gotten “paid” in copies rather than currency, so I’m not one to talk.)

Here’s my true story from the 60s:

First, I was born.  Then I lay around and slept a lot.  Then it was 1970.  The end.

Mmm, probably not worth a ‘57 Chevy model bank …

The Crows Caught Up With Me

I’m not sure if they’re looking for royalties from A Flock of Crows is Called a Murder (hey, guys, I made hardly any money off it), or if they want to have a chat with me about how the crows were portrayed (call my agent … oh, wait, I don’t have one anymore), or if there’s just a lot of yummy garbage in the neighborhood.  Let’s hope it’s that last one.

“Me and the boys would like to talk with you about that book you named after us …”

Nuts A-Poppin

So last night I cooked chestnuts in the toaster oven. Evidently you’re supposed to cut an “X” in them before you roast them, and if you don’t, they eventually start exploding, spraying shrapnel (bits of shell and meat) over a wide area. Who knew? (Besides the instruction label on the container, I mean. But who reads those things?)

How To Hand Out Halloween Candy

So Halloween came and went, and we didn’t get as many trick-or-treaters (hereafter known as TOTs) as I was expecting, given the numbers of kids that seem to be running around the neighborhood on any given day. There is a possibility that our dogs–who bark like lunatics every time someone comes to the door, let alone a group of six or seven someones dressed like axe-wielding maniacs, fairy princesses, and various forms of licensed merchandise–kept some of the TOTs away. I definitely heard some screaming and running off down the driveway when the dogs started up. (Dennis the rescue vizsla didn’t bark all that much, but he was watching the other two and taking notes.)

So anyway, here’s the proper way to hand out Halloween candy. First, buy extra bags. Then, hand out the candy in ascending order of how much you like it; this way you’re left with a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups instead of a bag of Honey Bunches O’ Angry Ants or whatever.

Oh, and give extra candy to the TOTs who say “thank you”. Even goblins can learn to be polite.

Sailor’s Delight?

This is a sunset in our backyard while the fires were going on. It doesn’t really look all that bad in the photo, but in person, it looked (and smelled) hellish. Of course, compared to shots from the actual fire zones, it isn’t very dramatic at all.

California Steamin’

Well I guess I’ve been too busy watching the wildfires burning to the north, south, and east to post anything lately, which probably means I’m not a real blogger. (I’m a Web 1.0 type of person … so sue me.) Today is of course Day 4 of the fires and so far my town (Oceanside) remains unscathed, unless you count the smoky air and layer of ash that coats everything.

The smoke from all the fires shows up quite nicely on Doppler radar, as you can see in the enhanced image below from The Weather Channel. See the little tiny triangle of green in the northwestern corner of San Diego County? That’s where we are.

Themes

I’m trying out a new WordPress theme called “Andreas09″.  My wife liked the old one, “Rubric”, with the pen on top, but I like having the two sidebars and customizable appearance.  (Can you tell orange is my favorite color?)

I do miss the pen, though …